Janus

why not shut my eyes up on me
god of gates and doors?
with a stinging wince
i cannot bear witness
to my life anymore
---to any true meaning
i have shut down
at thirty
but am somewhere past fifty
now it seems i can't
even have a simple rage
the pheonix flew
but walked back to the cage
my mind falls like feathers
i pop a pill
---one good idea,
perhaps two
manages to permeate
through the gilded lids
"not good enough"
some demigods say
wants more purity
wants the removal of foreskin
even the oracle lies to me
---says just a little more suffering
and you'll be pure prophesy
the furies
the minotaurs
continue to bullshit on
courting the debutantes
who have all dyed their hair blonde
meanwhile Medusa
spits out bad poetry
i see the weight
on atlas's corroded palms
and so i lie
down
with my makeshift
laurel-leaf crown
i have overpleaded
to many gods
amongst the ashtray altars
been reborn in the
beer-drenched waters
and Venus with her clammy hands
was a sugarcoating bitch
i could not bear to stand
Not even Janus could
give me a new beginning
so when he turned away
---it was even more
insulting